I dont want to wake up today. Sleep seems to be the only peace i have. Depression and anxiety run rampid in my family so ofcourse im predisposed .. Every day is always a struggle just to do something that normal people do. Call to make an appointment. Look for a job. Keep the other half happy. To stay in touch with family or friends. Getting through another day of not so happy thoughts. For those of you who know about these issues, know what these thoughts contain. To get back to basics I think ones childhood has a everything to do with adulthood. A mother, a father and siblings. How we interact, what we are witness to and what is said makes all the difference. Many people have similar environments and grow to be very different in manners, attitude and overall perceptions. Some on the positive and others on the negative. some float on the in between, like me. Completely lost, lacking most of lifes critical skills. To be a positive, productive person without fear of everything is an alien concept in my mind. The humiliation is overwhelming so you pretend to be someone you wish you were but only within the giudelines your anxiety permits. This web of crazy has become to much to bare. Thirty years is an eternity of missed oppurtunities and regret when you live in fear of life.